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Florida Blessing

May 17, 2009

I figured this post was timely and fitting since here in Bonita Springs the rainy season is just about to hit its stride. Yes, hurricane awareness is creeping to the fore in Mr. Neighbor’s mind. You can tell because he’s inspecting his plywood “shutters” to make sure they’ll last another year, and glancing in that abandoned and rescued Christmas cookie tin he keeps over there on the workbench, kinda digging through the odd assortment of washers, nails, and various-sized bolts; pushing them around with his index finger to see if he has enough of those long wood screws to put ‘em up with.

Why he may be even thinking of moving the unwieldy sheets to the front of his garage for quick and easy access. They’re marked with black spray paint and say things like “BK BDROOM”, “KITCHEN”, MSTR, or “Sorry Charlie”, “Ivan was Here”, “Survived Jeanne”, “Dennis the Menace” or “WILMA!!!” in uneven fat letters that kind of run together at the joints.

The air of anticipation has arrived with the increased humidity and afternoon percipitation. Day by day more folks at Walmart start buying those gallon jugs of water and extra batteries for their portable weather-band radios and hand fans. You start to see those things in their buggies, they don’t usually appear there, but there they are now; their new owners with that confident “this year I’m going to be prepared early” look in their eyes. Hoping unconciously those things lay unused and unneeded; forgotten about in pantries or drawers.

As the rains begin making their afternoon appearance regular as clock work, you suddenly notice another change – why, you can drive around the streets of your bit o’ paradise largely unimpeded by great hordes of the entitled ancient, gawkers and slowskis, yeah!  All of the snowbirds have flown to points north.

Yep, it’s almost June way down south. As it is Sunday too, here’s a little prayer.

 

  †  †  †  †  †

Florida Blessing

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Bless this house; oh Lord, we cry,

Please keep it cool come mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,

While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass

Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please

Carpenter beetles, ticks, and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,

All biting things that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,

In Florida, Lord, you’ve put them all!

But this is home, and here we’ll stay,

So thank you Lord, for insect spray!image

 

HOLD IT, there’s more:

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN FLORIDA IN THE SUMMER WHEN…

  • The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • The trees are whistling for the dogs.
  • The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • Hot water now comes out of both taps. image
  • You can make sun tea instantly.
  • You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty darn good branding iron.
  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a titch chilly.
  • You discover that that it really only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
  • You also discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door (handles, too, make good branding irons as it turns out).
  • You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
  • Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
  • The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.
  • Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
  • The cows are giving evaporated milk.

 

Ah, what a place to call home.  To this we add “Thank you Lord for 365 days without snow”.

 

Blessings, x J

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. May 17, 2009 4:48 am

    Hi Jennifer!
    Oh how true this is right?
    I am dreading, I mean DREADING hurricane season. Come June 1st, we are all glued to the weather channel!!!!
    There are actually 4 seasons here in Louisiana…Hunting, Winter, Summer and Hurricane. No Spring, No Fall. It’s always hot and humid here so we had to make substitutes! tee hee
    Have a great Sunday!
    everything vintage

  2. May 17, 2009 9:34 am

    What I love about Florida, Louisiana, and Mississippi is the fact that when there is a natural disaster coming:

    1. You know about it in advance
    2. You can just leave and be safe.
    3. Everyone EXPECTS you to go somewhere safe

    Up in Vermont when it snows, and yes, this is just as dangerous as a hurricane, and therefore, I consider it a natural disaster:

    1. You do know about it in advance, BUT
    2. You cannot leave because it is a 6 month event
    3. NO ONE expects you to be safe. They expect you to be at work, church, events, etc. This is incredibly dangerous and as many people die each year (or more) from snowfall.

    I’ll take the heat, the bugs, the sun, the hurricanes. NOOOOOO problem.

  3. May 17, 2009 10:35 am

    I love it! I am laughing so hard here. What a great Florida post. I am going to add a mention right now on my blog posting today. Have a wonderful Sunday Jennifer.

    Sue.

  4. May 17, 2009 12:15 pm

    Yep! I have tons and tons of snow. The first storm of the season is rather dangerous, many people are not driving the way they should, they forget.
    The hurricanes don’t bother me as much as the tornados and they aren’t that bad, it’s the pop up ones that have you run into a ditch with poisonous snakes, none of those up here.

  5. May 17, 2009 1:12 pm

    Thanks for stopping by my blog on my SITS day!! I lived in Florida for nine years, and loved it.

  6. May 17, 2009 4:44 pm

    Too funny! lol…… I live in Colorado. Wish I had 365 days without snow.

  7. May 18, 2009 1:38 am

    Very cute!
    Thank you for your comment today too.
    Joni

  8. May 18, 2009 2:23 am

    What a hoot! All we have to worry about here in Washington is flooding from so much rain. Which was actually devastating a year and a half ago where I live. I’m glad there are no hurricanes or tornados, I think they would be much more scary.
    All the jokes about the heat were too funny though. It will occasionally get above 90-95 here in the summer and then I’m feeling your pain!

  9. May 18, 2009 9:34 am

    Hi Jennifer,
    Florida sounds pretty spectacular to we Islanders in the middle of the winter! That’s why so many of us head down there after Christmas. Thanks for sharing and Happy Blue Monday.

    Blessings,
    Sandi

  10. May 18, 2009 5:01 pm

    Just found your blog.This is hysterical!Living in Tampa,and going thru s’posed Charley,then really Francis(8 days no power or water),then Jeanne…….We never look forward to hurricane season.

  11. May 18, 2009 7:07 pm

    Lehigh Acres, checking in. Love the part about hot water coming out of both taps. Been down here from Long Island three years now, and it still surprises me.

    Tink *~*~*

  12. May 19, 2009 7:39 am

    This sure brings back a lifetime of memories. You just have to laugh at some things about Florida, don’t you. Hopefully this year will be a calm hurricane season.

    You’re seeing the same vision I have for my rooster pillow.

  13. May 19, 2009 4:23 pm

    This was a great post. You’re right you are lucky to be 365 days without snow! *lol*. But I do like some snow its when it happens to stay around and threaten us allll winter is what I don’t like.

    I love your Florida poem and the facts about Florida too. cute.
    I don’t like the idea about having to be prepared for that hurricane weather…see I would take the snow over that because the other scares me. I hope you have all your supplies in order just … in … case.

    Enjoy the lovely weather
    Judi

  14. May 20, 2009 9:56 pm

    Most of that could have been written here. Loved the poem.

    We used to have rats feeding at the bird feeders and I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind when I heard the pitter patter of little feet up in the attic either. I told myself it was squirrels. Then one evening I saw the cats looking under the refrigerator and thought there might be a lizard in the house and I didn’t want the cats getting him. My husband took a yard stick and swept under the refrigerator and out ran a rat. I screamed and the cats all ran and hid! The rat ran across the kitchen and under the dishwasher. Then I tried humane traps and we caught rats and relocated them to a neighborhood park, but we couldn’t keep up. Finally we put rat poison in the attic. I hated to do it, but I hated having rats in the house more. The only thing I don’t mind killing is roaches!

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